Ten Things that You Do Not Know About Me
I wanted something interesting to write about on this late Friday night, and so I figured, "What's more self-serving and exciting than writing about myself?" after which I proceeded to have a vain epiphany and shouted, "Nothing!"
I didn't in fact do any of that, but I can imagine it would have been entertaining.
And so with that, i'll get the bandwagon rolling (feel free to jump in and ride until the end-- although I have to warn you that in true lemming fashion, there will be an abrupt jolt at the end of our journey that will very likely end in you not being able to speak any more):
Ten Things that You Do Not Know About Me
01. The first thing that I really sat down and wrote was a commercial for "Charline's Moisty Towelettes." I vaguely recall getting the idea from my cousin Dalice, who had to write a commercial or script for a class (although, I could really just be pulling this memory out of the faulty-memory-bin I have stored in my ass). It went a little something like this, although with quite a few more misspellings, i'm sure:
MOM: Junior, be careful!
JUNIOR: Okay Ma! Woops!
MOM: Oh no, Junior, what did you do?
JUNIOR: I didn't mean to!
ANNOUNCER: But it's okay, because Mom has Charline's Moisty Towelettes! They come in twelve fascinating flavors and colors such as...
You get the picture.
02. I had my first (and last) "boyfriend" when I was in first grade. I ran up to him in the lunch line and told him that I loved him, and he said that he loved me as well. Our relationship ended in the third grade, when I decided that I could not marry him because he didn't want to hug me. He is now a guido. Good choice, Charline.
03. I have a thirty-year-old sister and two nieces. She is a one legged prostitute. One of those sentences was a lie. It wasn't the second one. That was a lie. Or was it?
04. The only food (other than easy things like pasta or my amazing cheesy mashed potatoes) that I can successfully cook is devilled eggs. Mmm.
05. I went to visit my fourth grade teacher (who was my favorite teacher, back in the day) over the summer last year in his classroom, and realized that he totally creeped me out.
06. My favorite animals are giraffes. I once saw a pair having sex at the zoo. Not going to lie, weirdest thing I've ever witnessed- and i've seen a lot of weird things.
07. I did actually once climb a waterfall. It was a couple of summers ago in Jamaica with my parents, sister, and brother-in-law. I almost twisted my ankle, but it was one of the most awesome experiences i've ever had, and i'd do it again in a heartbeat.
08. I used to ride horses when I was little-- I took lessons when I was about nine, for two or three years. I won a second place medal in a competition at the stables even though I was sure I didn't know what the hell I was doing.
09. The only plaque I have ever recieved was in 8th grade (everything else was certificates, medals, or ribbons); it was for creative writing and was absolutely one of my proudest moments. That was the year I had mono and had to stay home for about three months; that morning my mother told me that they would probably give the award to someone who had worked hard that year and deserved it. I came home and waved it in her face.
10. All-in-all, even though I've been through a lot of shit, i'd have to say that life is pretty damn good. And it will only get better, of this I am sure.
Anything else any of you are "dying" to know? Go ahead, ask whatever the hell you want. I'll answer everything, no matter how weird or random.
MOM: Junior, be careful!
JUNIOR: Okay Ma! Woops!
MOM: Oh no, Junior, what did you do?
JUNIOR: I didn't mean to!
ANNOUNCER: But it's okay, because Mom has Charline's Moisty Towelettes! They come in twelve fascinating flavors and colors such as...
You get the picture.
02. I had my first (and last) "boyfriend" when I was in first grade. I ran up to him in the lunch line and told him that I loved him, and he said that he loved me as well. Our relationship ended in the third grade, when I decided that I could not marry him because he didn't want to hug me. He is now a guido. Good choice, Charline.
03. I have a thirty-year-old sister and two nieces. She is a one legged prostitute. One of those sentences was a lie. It wasn't the second one. That was a lie. Or was it?
04. The only food (other than easy things like pasta or my amazing cheesy mashed potatoes) that I can successfully cook is devilled eggs. Mmm.
05. I went to visit my fourth grade teacher (who was my favorite teacher, back in the day) over the summer last year in his classroom, and realized that he totally creeped me out.
06. My favorite animals are giraffes. I once saw a pair having sex at the zoo. Not going to lie, weirdest thing I've ever witnessed- and i've seen a lot of weird things.
07. I did actually once climb a waterfall. It was a couple of summers ago in Jamaica with my parents, sister, and brother-in-law. I almost twisted my ankle, but it was one of the most awesome experiences i've ever had, and i'd do it again in a heartbeat.
08. I used to ride horses when I was little-- I took lessons when I was about nine, for two or three years. I won a second place medal in a competition at the stables even though I was sure I didn't know what the hell I was doing.
09. The only plaque I have ever recieved was in 8th grade (everything else was certificates, medals, or ribbons); it was for creative writing and was absolutely one of my proudest moments. That was the year I had mono and had to stay home for about three months; that morning my mother told me that they would probably give the award to someone who had worked hard that year and deserved it. I came home and waved it in her face.
10. All-in-all, even though I've been through a lot of shit, i'd have to say that life is pretty damn good. And it will only get better, of this I am sure.
Anything else any of you are "dying" to know? Go ahead, ask whatever the hell you want. I'll answer everything, no matter how weird or random.
Comments
I hope that answered everything!