Deferred

    I was deferred from Brown a few days ago. While I was initially (somewhat presumptuously, I realize in retrospect) shocked, and consequently quite upset, I've warmed up to the idea of regular decision more and more. I think that this will give me something to work for, as well as the opportunity to see which other schools (if any) want me to attend. I feel somewhat of a renewed purpose now, although upon hearing the news I had felt quite to the contrary. I wouldn't have admitted this to myself a few months ago, but I find myself gravitating more and more towards film making as a future career. I will never abandon my love for the English language nor my admiration for and enjoyment of its literature, but film making will provide me with a somewhat clearer path for the future (although jobs will likely be just as, if not more, unattainable in film making than they will be with an English degree). I am trying to keep in mind that because my interests have wavered over the past four years, at times changing dramatically, I may not necessarily be steadfastly interested in film over the next four years that I spend in college. Because of this, I don't really want to go to film school; I would still like to attain a well-rounded liberal education, but perhaps with more concentration on film work and script writing than I had originally intended.
    The only thing I can truly say that I am bitter about in this experience is that, from what I understand, there is more of a preference for male applicants this year (I actually think this has been growing over the past few years) than there is for female applicants. I've always been somewhat of a feminist (albeit a crap one in terms of stereotypes), and I guess that I'm just sort of angry that all of the things I've been told my entire life about how the genders are equal have boiled down to be completely untrue at this present time. Keep in mind that I was never naive enough to truly believe that men and women have equal opportunities-- sometimes males get the upper hand, other times females do, and I understand that that's simply the way life works. I just don't understand why a male who is less qualified than I am to attend a certain school gets preference over me. I guess that's the wrong perspective on the matter, but I think that'll fix itself once I've had more time to the think about the situation. I guess we'll see where I end up in March/April.